Americans across the globe are at a high level of concern today, as the Golden State Warriors, known to be Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson, Snoop Dogg, Woody Harrelson, Jessica Alba, and Jim Carrey's reason for living on this earth, were eliminated from the playoffs by the Utah Jazz last night. Despite everything, these brave celebrities have chosen to soldier on and continue their publicly adored, red carpet appearing, model dating existences.
"Has someone checked on Owen?" voiced Frank Ramirez, a lift operator from Sacramento. "Just to, you know, make sure he's eating?"
"I don't know if I'll even be able to snort this line of coke" Kate Hudson confessed through tears. "I'll just miss those big black guys so much. The one with the beard, and the one with the mohawk and all the tattoos. I'll even miss the white guy who told them what to do, their russian leader or whatever."
Rapper Snoop Dogg might have been hit the hardest. "Oh, dear god: the Agony" he bellowed. "These experiences might be more than I'm built to withstand. If you stab me, do I not bleed?"
Snoop last month.
Snoop this month
Citizens interested in helping these poor famous people can show their support by attending Golden-Aid, a concert being put on by sympathetic Los Angeles area musicians this summer.
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1 comment:
I hear Owen is actually back to fighting the weimaraners at brother Luke's pad...his dog, Mr. Dithers Weatherby, might not be the scrapiest but he's got a bite like a one chomp machine gun.
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