BOO!

Tiny: It's always smart, from a public relations standpoint, to side with Barry Bonds

Zenitram: that's going to be the downside of Sheff here in Detroit.

Zenitram: The upside is that everyone (including me) is afraid of him.

Tiny: Suge Knight afraid or scary clown afraid?



Zenitram: Suge knight to other teams. Scary clown to me.

Tiny: His name makes me think he's be scary like chef Boyardee is scary.



Zenitram: Hey man. Beefaroni is gangsta.

Tiny: ...or like the naked chef? Yikes.

Zenitram: That concept makes me uncomfortable. Too much grease splattering.

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Pac-Man in trouble again, this time over Las Vegas shooting
From wire reports



LAS VEGAS -- More than $81,000 in cash belonging to Tennessee Titans cornerback and former West Virginia University star Adam "Pac-Man'' Jones was seized by police, who say the money sparked a weekend melee and a triple shooting at a strip club.

Jones was showering more than 40 strippers onstage early Monday with cash "intended as a visual effect,'' a search warrant said. But a scuffle broke out when the Houston promoter who hired the strippers told them to pick up the money.

The promoter, identified as Chris Mitchell, owner of "Harlem Knights,'' and a male associate took a plastic trash bag containing Jones' money and walked out the front door, the warrant says. Police recovered the money and two watches inside a safe at Mitchell's hotel room Monday.

Jones' lawyer, Worrick Robinson, has said his client did not know anyone involved in the shooting and was interviewed by authorities as a witness, not as a suspect. Police have not said Jones is a person of interest in the case.

Jones has faced criminal charges three times -- all involving nightclubs in Tennessee -- since the Titans made the cornerback the sixth overall pick in the 2005 draft.

Raja Bell Wants Your Booty

[13:06] Tiny: nice win, sir. (congratulating Mr. Jenidles, long time reader, after defeating Vanceastro at NBA2K7 for the 360)

[13:06] Bert Jenidles: Tell it to Raja Bell.

[13:06] Tiny: Nice win, Raja Bell!

[13:06] Bert Jenidles: Thanks, matey!

[13:06] Bert Jenidles: (Raja Bell is a pirate.)

[13:07] Tiny: I'm glad you got all the booty and don't have to walk the plank, Raja Bell!

[13:07] Bert Jenidles: Arrrrrrrr!

[13:08] Tiny: You really gave Vanceastro a mean case of scurvy, there, Raja!

[13:08] Bert Jenidles: Aye, he shoulda ate his cranberries!

Mormons Exposed to Naked Buttocks

During the hotly contested Southern California/BYU hockey game Tuesday night, South California goalie Mickey Meyer decided he'd "had his fill of the refs" and promptly pulled his pants down, hopping around and riding his hockey stick like a cowboy. As if that wasn't enough, he was also slapping his buttocks like some kind of Unitarian. At least 3 of the 15 people in attendance were highly offended.

"We don't treat this as a funny incident," Rink manager Floyd Naegle said Tuesday. "We're a
family-oriented business. It's a one-time incident and we try to do
what we can to protect ourselves. We haven't had this kind of fall out since our patrons misinterpreted the hand-holding during last fall's arm wrestling competition and burned this place to the ground"

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Detroit dominates in new NBA All Star Skills Contest: Dance Fever

Pippen says he wants to play for contender


Scotty Pippen in a recent photo.

ESPN.com news services

Scottie Pippen is serious about making an NBA comeback.

Pippen, 41, hasn't played since February 2004, when a left knee injury forced him to retire. But he told reporters Thursday that he wants to return, hopefully to a contender that could make use of his experience in a playoff run.

He said he's in good shape, his knee is fine and he'd even be willing to sign a 10-day contract to prove what he can do.

"I'm not going to be a nonstop high-flyer like I was in my prime," Pippen said. "But I can still run. I can still dunk. But most of all, I know the game."

Pippen is in Las Vegas, where he will take part in the Shooting Stars contest during NBA All-Star weekend. Bulls guard Ben Gordon and Candice Dupree of the WNBA's Chicago Sky will be Pippen's teammates in the contest.

"I'm thinking of trying to come back for the playoffs," Pippen said. "Something like the last two months of the season, somewhere I can come back and play limited minutes to start, play point forward for someone and build toward the playoffs. It's something I've been thinking about for the last three months."

Pippen said he'd like to eventually become an NBA coach and would be willing to apprentice as an assistant as well.

''But I'd like to play first," he said. "I feel I still have a year and a half of basketball left in me if I'm put in the right situation. I'd even be willing to sign a 10-day contract. At least that would be a start. I just want a chance to show that I can still help a team.''

Something Important Going On In Nascar
If Nascar is your thing, you should probably check the news or something, because I'm noticing way more headlines about it than usual.

Man, this almost makes those ROCK ads seem classy.

http://www.nba.com/webAction?actionId=surveyInitialize&target=/pistons/contests/hairiestback.jsp&surveyId=1406

"Finalists will head to the court during the game and fans will decide who has the hairiest back!"

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to beard free...

As one of the few Americans not in support of building a giant wall to keep out the Mexicans (except for Zenitram- who let him in here?!?) I feel it necessary to warn the teeming masses looking to huddle onto a boat from Europe or South America to join the ranks of the NBA: at some point during your career you're going to grow a beard. When that happens, everyone is going to laugh at you.

Case in point:
Dirk Nowitzki is German, and has the face of a 12 year-old-boy, but I love him anyways, because he regularly calls out Dwayne Wade for flopping around on the floor like a toddler on "Super Nanny". This lead Dwayne Wade to call out Dirk's leadership abilities, which lead Mark Cuban to post "I love watching you shoot free-throws, Dwayne Wade" on his blog. (Yes, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks franchise has a blog where he takes pot-shots at players from other teams. Do you think I could just make that up?) That being said, if Peja Stojakovic can grow more hair on his knees than you can on your face, it's time to go clean shaven, Yankees style.
"No I'm not wearing leggings. Why do you ask?" Honestly, I'm fine with Peja growing a beard because it keeps me from looking at his back.

Other NBA Euros subscribing to this methodology are:
Jorge Garbajosa
When mothers in Toronto tell their kids not to talk to strangers, what they're really trying to say is not to talk to Jorge Garbajosa.
"Don't talk to Jose Calderon either."

As for the mothers of San Antonio...
Tim Duncan hates Fabricio Oberto with a passion he usually reserves for Gypsies. This man is so hairy and awful that they should hold him down and shave his back in order to send his back hair to genetic scientists who can make sure that it never, ever happens again.

If those same scientists can study the emotional centers of Oberto, Andres Nocioni, and Manu Ginobili's brains, maybe they can tell me how they can make basketball AND soccer so dramatic and unwatchable whenever Argentineans are involved.

Manu Ginobili is one Nair treatment away from starring in daytime television drama.


Here, Andres displays his "basketball skills" or "elbows" as we call them in the states.


Oh, Carlos. Of course we didn't mean you. You're an angel. We'll reserve judgment on you for when Flip Murray goes away and you start playing actual minutes.

Enough of people pretending to be from Italy. This young man is the real deal. Please try and say the name "Andrea Bargnani" and not sound like Super Mario. Can't do it? Maybe this beard will help:


Here's Lithuania's Zyldrunas Ilgauskas, who used to matter before David Stern tinkered with the league enough to make big men irrelevant.

Zyldrunus got bored when he didn't make it downcourt on time for 18 consecutive plays, so he grew a beard.

Overkill? You have no idea how many international players I ignored just because they never play. This image doesn't do Vladimir Radmanovic's beard justice. Lately, he looks like a post-news SNL parody of George Michael.

"Maybe if I grow this beard, Kobe will pass me the ball, or at the very least, stop raping me..."

Former Piston Mehmet Okur, from Turkey:

After the championship season, the Pistons banished Mehmet to Utah, where the kind of inbreeding that makes your eyebrows grow in like this is excepted publicly.

Pau Gasol the "Spanish Fly":

Gasol is actually a great player, and if the Bulls don't pull a trade for him soon, they can kiss this small window for a championship goodbye. You're not gonna win anything starting Nocioni's beard at power forward.

BOOOOring.

The man that started it all, from Serbia & Montenegro (apparently a real country) Vlade Divac.

Vlade knows how a man should properly stroke his beard.

Finally:

John Amaechi's beard isn't fooling anybody.

Alonzo Mourning: "I caught gay from John Amaechi"

The sports world was shaken again Thursday morning by National Basketball Association player Alonzo Mourning's accusation that he caught gay from ex-player John Amaechi. It was just Wednesday that Amaechi came out to the world in his inappropriately-titled book "The Man in the Middle". Amaechi was the first player to come out as gay in the history of the National Basketball League.
"I'm a carrier now." Mourning was quoted as saying before Thursday afternoon's shoot-around at the Heat practice facility. As he sobbed uncontrollably into the lapel of his Fendi warm-ups, Mourning recounted the incident to reporters. "John and I used to lift weights together. He had a drive and tenacity I hadn't seen in other players his age. Then one late night when we were the last players in the facility, one thing led to another and..." Mourning paused as he gasped into a paper bag. "I'm sorry... I... need time to think." Mourning then stormed wildly off into his waiting Porsche Cayman S.

Several fox news scienticians confirmed suspicions by the Silver Bullet that gay is a dangerous lifestyle condition that can't be cured by dressing poorly or attending sporting events. "It doesn't matter how many outfits Alonzo Mourning buys from Kohl's." total scientist Edward Hinkle clarified. "Alonzo Mourning can expect an entire lifetime of well groomed, tasteful days."
John Amaechi could not be reached for comment as of press time.

Joining A. Rod, Tiki & Ronde, and T.O. as sports stars who have written children's books, O.J. Simpson announces his latest project: