IT'S A MADNESS!

Oh, Hello! My name is Girl #1 and I generally have no business being on a sports blog or doing anything else that was originally intended for the male mind. But my dear friends who write this very manly blog asked me, a woman, to exploit herself & her gender for your amusement by talking about her March Madness picks. I don't usually follow the NCAA, aside from the occasional Michigan State game. I graduated from that esteemed university, and since all I got from them was a job as a receptionist, a debt of $30K, and a rather nasty case of genital warts, I expect them to win from time to time in order to make me feel like my time there wasn't totally wasted. However, they rarely win, and that is why my first pick of March Madness 2K7 was to have MSU go down in the first round. Sorry fellow alumni, I know this makes you think that I am not a true fan, whatever the hell that means, but they blow. Even Drew Neitzel and his pal Jesus aren't going to save them.

Beyond my general disdain for MSU, I really have no other bearings when it comes to picking my teams, so I generally go with the "What mascot would win in a fight" rule. Well, first I throw out any teams with any sort of religious affiliation (Sorry Holy Cross, BYU), after that, I go with the mascot rule. This rule is pretty self explanatory, but for you dudes who can't think on my profound level, I'll break it down for you a bit:

(10) Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket VS. (7) UNLV Runnin Rebels: Obviously, the Yellow Jacket would waste the Rebel, as he is already running away.

(5) USC Trojans VS. (12) Arkansas Razorbacks: Um, have you seen USC's "Trojan"?



Lame. I went with the fierce pig looking thing with the horns growing out of its face.

So, I was cruising along until I got to Kentucky VS. Villanova. Ummm...A Wildcat VS. A Wildcat??? Is there a flaw in my otherwise perfect logic? What the shit do I do? I decided to pick the Villanova Wildcat, because the name Villanova sounds Mexican to me, even though it's not...and a Mexican Wildcat would kill a inbred, backwoods Wildcat from Kentucky any day. VIVA MEXICOANOVA!

And so it goes...I ended up picking Florida, Kansas, Georgetown & Ohio St. as the Final Four, with Florida over Ohio St. in the Championship game. I always try not to have 3 of the 4 Final Four teams as number 1 seeds, but I get too scared to play it otherwise. And I'm already regretting my decision not to have Ohio St. win it all. That Brutus character could headbutt the shit out of any historical figure, animal or insect in the NCAA. He'll probably take it all. I also feel like I should add a disclaimer that not all women are as clueless about the NCAA as I am. There are women who watch the NCAA all season long, and know much more about these things than I do...they are called lesbians. That being said, I think I've successfully alienated and offended enough people with this guest appearance, so I'll be on my way. Look me up on April 2. I'll buy you a beer with my mascot picked winnings.

Girl #1 appears courtesy of the celebrity gossip blog Two Girls and a Gay