Fantasy Schmantasy

I suck at fantasy sports. I never win and generally hover around third to last place for most of the season. I’ve only actually been in about 5 leagues of various sports and all have been at my work and none included a cash prize. My first league was football and I never put in my starters, never made a trade and basically ignored my team the whole season. Despite my lazy indifference, I stayed in second place for most of the season and ended up in third place or some ridiculously good spot. By contrast, my second league was basketball and though I made numerous moves and trades I ended up coming in a far last place. Admittedly, while I know how to actually play sports, I HATE reading stats and really don’t know how to pick good players from crap ones just by studying their numbers. Even when I nab some good players in the draft, I still can’t seem to put together a competitive team. And it’s not for lack of trying. I mean, I WILL trade with you.

The best I’ve ever done at a fantasy league was this past baseball season when I tried really hard to manage my team. I grew up on baseball, generally understand the stats and like the game enough to follow it closely. I had some good players and made move after move, twisting my brain around player stats. It was a monumental effort and at season’s end, I tied for third place with a co-worker who left the company during the first week of play and quit managing his team. Maybe it’s because I was never good at math and therefore harbor a fear of crunching numbers – a requisite skill to really understand player percentages. Or maybe it’s because I’m not a sports nut. I mean, I like baseball and basketball alright, but I’m generally more into music, movies and other non-jock related interests. My own sports career ended around 9th grade when I didn’t make it onto the high school baseball team – I could field third pretty well, but my hitting just wasn’t good enough. I’m also more of an emotional sports fan. I love watching my favorite team and I know the strengths and weaknesses of my favorite players, but I don’t really pay attention to the hard numbers.

The people who I know who are really great at fantasy sports are either the “sport nut” types who read the sports magazines, watch all of the games and can remember really boring statistics like who holds the record for the most assists during the third quarter of late season games in the Eastern Conference from 1984 to 1992 -- and yeah, I know that’s most likely not a statistic worth knowing or one that even exists – or people who sign up for a league and then die before they can screw up their team by putting in their starters. Needless to say, I am neither one of those guys and don’t really see myself putting in the time and effort it would take to become a good fantasy player. I just can’t be arsed to spend time on such minutia, let alone watch every game. Yet, still I play and make trades and pick-ups in the hopes that one day I’ll end up in first place. Like I said, I suck at fantasy sports.