Charlie Weis Loses Suit

A Jury in Boston found against Charlie Weis' claim that 2 doctors botched his gastric bypass surgery. I'm guessing that the judge found the appearance of Weis' pleated abdomen 'prejudicial', or he could be coaching Notre Dame for free.

Tim Donaghy Sentenced to Ass Wooping by Rasheed Wallace

NBA Fans were stunned today upon hearing that David Stern's swift punishment of Tim Donaghy for allegedly fixing games was to be a brutal beating at the hands of Rasheed Wallace. Stern managed to pause briefly from his ample workload planning wardrobes for NBA players this following season to punish the official after consulting with his entourage for a 4 minute session.
"Rasheed Wallace has stated publicly that he is willing to repeatedly punch any referee in the face who steps out of line." stated Stern publicly, while dribbling multiple polycarbonate basketballs through an obstacle course he had devised out of cones and cardboard cut-outs of Raja Bell. "Mr. Wallace, the NBA needs you now more than ever."
"I'm about to woop his monkey ass." Rasheed Wallace spoke from his greater Detroit home earlier today. "He cost me about 1.6 Mil', and I'ma take it out HIS ASS."
Donaghy's statement could not be discerned through intense sobbing.

The Devil Has Many Faces

BURN!

Gil Thorp
July 13, 2007

Shimmy Shimmy Ya!

Heard 2 good jokes about Antoine Walker's house getting robbed yesterday. One was on the Sportsguy's web chat:

Eric (Raleigh, NC): How did Antonie Walker prevent the robber from getting a shot off?

Bill Simmons: (12:53 PM ET ) Now THAT is a good joke.

The other was on Pardon the Interruption, where Dan Le Batard asked whether or not the burglars were Pat Riley and Randy Pfund demanding some of the money back from Toine's ridiculous salary.

Obligatory "Sorry About the Lack of Posts" Post



Nope. Not gonna happen. We're no right-wing apologists. Instead, we'll post google image searches of tough-talking republican sayings. IN YOUR FACE, LIBERAL HOMOS.
Honestly, most of the Silver Bullet staff are on some sort of vacation and the only things happening in sports involve home run derbies and tennis. When something happens, we'll let you know. In the mean-time, please enjoy this video from the captain of mailing it in.

Toughest Job Ever

Apparantly, the Piston's director of player personnel Scott Perry has left town for the Sonics. How could we let somebody go who did so well in the 2003 draft? Welcome to endless sleepless nights, Mr. Perry. No one knows who you'll take at number 2, and it's up to you to figure it out. If that weren't enough strife, now you have to deal with Robert Swift, and some Stallions weren't meant to be tamed.

Joe Dumars to NBA: No More Foreigners



Auburn Hills, MI - Following his trade of Carlos Delfino to a team located in a different country, Pistons President Joe Dumars reiterated his "no more foreigners" policy.

"I will not rest," said Dumars, "until the Pistons organization becomes a truly American organization."


Dumars, hating foreigners.

With trades last year of Darko Milicic and Carlos Arroyo, Dumars is continuing his "holy war" against players born far from our shores.

"I will not stop until foreign floppings are erased from the Earth."

"Or at least until they become technical fouls."

Matt Bonner: NBA Champion

Sportsguy to host David Stern

On Thursday afternoon, NBA commissioner David Stern will be Bill Simmons' guest on his weekly podcast.



If you'd like to ask the commish a question -- and please, no joke questions -- send us an e-mail with "Stern Podcast" in the subject heading. And please make sure to include your full name and hometown. Thanks.

To: sportsguy@ESPN.com

From: shineytiney@yahoo.com

Subject: Stern Podcast





Dear David,



Will you resign?

Please?



Love,

Tiny (Silver Bullet Offices, Detroit)



PS. This is not a joke.

7000 Seagulls Bear Witness to Justin Verlander No Hitter

37 fans ejected for saying "No Hitter" out loud. 59 more ejected for looking at Verlander.

In other news, Rod Allen beat Mario Impemba within an inch of his life for referring to Verlander by name during attempted no-hitter. As of yet, police are not pressing charges, nor admitting that the incident took place, or that there is a baseball team in Detroit called "The Tigers".

SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS

PARIS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS ...no hitter?... SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS SOPRANOS

PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON

PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON ...sports?... PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON PARIS HILTON

On "The Dan Patrick Show", Keith Olbermann just said Star Wars is overrated and that Mexican wrestling movies are great.

MEH.

and

+

=



and, ultimately...

not cool. very unhappy.