The sports world was shaken again Thursday morning by National Basketball Association player Alonzo Mourning's accusation that he caught gay from ex-player John Amaechi. It was just Wednesday that Amaechi came out to the world in his inappropriately-titled book "The Man in the Middle". Amaechi was the first player to come out as gay in the history of the National Basketball League.
"I'm a carrier now." Mourning was quoted as saying before Thursday afternoon's shoot-around at the Heat practice facility. As he sobbed uncontrollably into the lapel of his Fendi warm-ups, Mourning recounted the incident to reporters. "John and I used to lift weights together. He had a drive and tenacity I hadn't seen in other players his age. Then one late night when we were the last players in the facility, one thing led to another and..." Mourning paused as he gasped into a paper bag. "I'm sorry... I... need time to think." Mourning then stormed wildly off into his waiting Porsche Cayman S.
Several fox news scienticians confirmed suspicions by the Silver Bullet that gay is a dangerous lifestyle condition that can't be cured by dressing poorly or attending sporting events. "It doesn't matter how many outfits Alonzo Mourning buys from Kohl's." total scientist Edward Hinkle clarified. "Alonzo Mourning can expect an entire lifetime of well groomed, tasteful days."
John Amaechi could not be reached for comment as of press time.
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