Thursday, December 03, 2009

Who is Dan Haren? I could probably get an all-star bid in the National League, and I haven't pitched since 8th grade house.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

BOOOOOIIIIING!!!! (FLUSH!!)



Thank god.
Please bring back Mike and Mike, you cheap CBS bastards. I've actually resorted to listening to NPR on the way to work. Somebody talk about sports for god's sake.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Big(ger) fence to be built around the Big House



Tiny: Still want Bill Martin fired?
Spider Man: If he didn't get Rich Rodriguez, he should've been fired
Tiny: But he did get Rodriguez.
Spider Man: So he saved his ass
Tiny: So he shouldn't get fired.
Spider Man: I'll give him credit for that
Tiny: He appreciates it.
Spider Man: He's still a relic
Tiny: Read this, negative-nancy.
Spider Man: Dude, i can't read any more. It's all rah rah Rodriguez. That's fine and dandy, but...
Tiny: Hater.
Spider Man: He better bring a championship within 3 years, tops.
Tiny: So, that's all he has to do? Can he bring you a toasted english muffin as well?
Spider Man: Mmm... Muffin.
Tiny: What else is there to do? A championship within 7 years is a home run for Michigan, and you want it within three years!? Give the man a chance to have a senior class, at least.
Spider Man: Urban Meyer did it in 2.
Tiny: ...and your point?
Spider Man: ...
Tiny: He has to be the best coach in the game to prove that he was worth having to wait around a couple weeks before we hired him?
Spider Man: Yes.
Tiny: You crazy.
Spider Man: My ear hurts.
Spider Man: There's a zit in my left ear :(
Tiny: Ouch. Those are the worst.
Spider Man: Big ouchie
Tiny: You still crazy.
Spider Man: You just want to say I hate hispanic people, right?
Spider Man: Well, fine!!
Spider Man: I HATE MEXICAN PEOPLE!
Tiny: THERE it is.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

J.R.R. Tolkien's New Admission: Gandalf is gay



This just in: Guy who wrote Arthurian legends says, 'Merlin is gay'



Breaking news: Wizards' Logo is gay

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sing Along!!!



I know you know the words:

"All the little chicks with the crimson lips go
Cleveland chokes! Cleveland chokes!
Livin' in sin with a safety pin,
Cleveland chokes! Cleveland chokes
!"

Thanks Cleveland. It's good to know that some things never change!



Monday, October 01, 2007

Phillies Win Division, Shoot Porn Video

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Sometimes I get to thinking that Simmons is a total moron that couldn't get any dumber;
then he goes writing something like this...and Totally Redeems Himself.
http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/blog/index?name=simmons&entryDate=20070926&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos2
2 Notes:
1) I watched Kirilenko play live early in 2006 and Simmons is right; he is incredible. He flew around the court, affected most plays, and instructed his teammates like a conductor. Extremely underrated and he needs to get off that team

2) Old Billy has no clue how much Sheed would help Phoenix. He doesn't need the ball (a big plus for a stacked Phoenix team), is the only player in the league that can guard Duncan (Phoenix's biggest obstacle to the finals), and his biggest weakness (being a headcase that only tries occasionally) would be mitigated by D'Antoni and his considerable juice. For the record, I think Marion is a really good defender but his offense is severely overrated. Sheed for Marion would be a bad move for the Pistons.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Eddie Griffin Totally Ruins Joke by Dying in Fiery Crash



Blogger's dream Eddie Griffin (the former NBA player, not the "actor") was identified as the man who died in a train accident last week at the age of 25. We'll miss your regular fights with teammates, your abuse and attempted shooting of exgirlfriends, and your fondness for driving while masturbating, but most of all, we'll miss your laughter and your smile. Oh Eddie, we hardly knew you... ever played any actual basketball.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Ain't No Valley Low Enough



According to Wikipedia, in 1970 Marvin Gaye was so depressed after the death of Tammi Terrell, he actually tried out for the Detroit Lions.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Get Hyphy

This list of baseball entrance music on wikipedia just killed a good part of my day.
Highlights include:


Bobby Crosby of the Oakland Athletics, who stares down pitchers to "Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys,


Brandon Webb of the Arizona Diamondbacks who somehow comes out to "Jam On It" by Newcleus, making him my new favorite player,


and the odd paradox of L.A. Dodger Luis Gonzalez who chooses between "Givin the Dog a Bone" by AC/DC and "Get'cha Head in the Game" from the High School Musical, probably based on whether or not there are any women in the stadium.
There's also a nice list of extra fun players at the bottom who request that no music be played for them, as well as the fact that John Rocker was personally asked by Twisted Sister not to use their song, since he is a jack-ass. However, the band personally responsible for the collapse of the Berlin Wall, The Scorpions, seem cool with it.
Marlon Byrd Hits 24th Career Home Run



Marlon Byrd raised both arms over his head like a prize fighter in victory, fists clenched -- and then he took off.

It was over at long last.

Byrd hit No. 24 Tuesday night, and hammered home that very point.

"I knew I hit it," Byrd said. "I knew I got it. I was like, phew, finally."

Later, he firmly and flatly rejected any suggestion that this milestone was stained by steroids.

"This record is not tainted at all. At all. Period," Byrd said.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007



"What, this old thing? I bet you say that to all the ball players."